JASON RULES BITCHES!!!
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Bullshit!

Welcome to the Home of The Martian Government.

We've repeatedly been asked how we gained control of Mars. The Answer, is simple. The Treaty on Principles Governing the Activities of States in the Exploration and Use of Outer Space, including the Moon and Other Celestial Bodies Provided by the United Nations, Forbids any country to have control over the jurisdiction of such planets and therefore leaves it open souly for individual claim. I claim Mars. Therefore, Mars is mine.

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We Come In Peace

Take me to your leaders. I will offer them an olive branch, to express our goodwill towards Earth. We seek only to borrow some breathable air, and use some water. Our planet has none. As the American government has seen fit to drop broken probes, still filled with rocket fuel, on our planets surface, we are of the mind, that it's a fair exchange.
As we hail from a different world, we do have some differences however, first and most notably, we like ourselves. In doing so, we care for those around us. Second, We get a long without war. We've noted that in the last 4000 years we've observed humanity, there have been 3965 years of recordable war and often more than one war being waged at a time. We don't mean to be an imposition, but, while we are here, we ask that you please stop the wars.
Our ultimate agenda, is to return home. We are hoping to start a dialogue with your scientific community to assist us in helping restore a breathable atmosphere and a potable water supply on our world. Also, (and I really hate to ask) but we're gonna need a ride home too.

Thank you,
Jason F'n Walters, Emperor Of Mars

P.S. If the war doesn't stop, we will enslave all of you and make you behave.

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